giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
