Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
