Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
