the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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