After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
