I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
