your parents love me but you hate me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
