Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
