Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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