two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
