maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
