We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
