Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
