I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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