I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
