the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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