Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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