If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
there is glitter all over my balls
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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