you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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