youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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