So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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