foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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