she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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