I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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