dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
