I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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