I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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