who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
