And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
