STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
