trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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