I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
