this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
