Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
