I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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