Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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