i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
