What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
