I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
