how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
