he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
