He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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