How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
