Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
