In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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