I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
