The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
