Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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