You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize