party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
