Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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