If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
