im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
