i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
