Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
