And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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