hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
