Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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