just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
