He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
