he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
