Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I love you.
Bad choice
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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