At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
