Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
