Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
