We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
