We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize