the day after is always just damage control
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
