If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
