ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You did what with his pubic hair?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
