why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
