Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
