yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
