I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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