i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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