It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this beer tastes like vomit already
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
