We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
