everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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