Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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