dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
