the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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