i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
