Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
