Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
