how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
