I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I love you. Go after that dick
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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