Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
