Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize