she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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