ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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