so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
