she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
