Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize