where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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