I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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