HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
