At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
