How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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