i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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