Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
