Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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