Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
